From what I understand, the highest risk for the leukemia to return is within the first 4-6 months after stopping treatment. No matter what happens, I am happy that I should at least have that time to spend with family and hopefully see some friends as well.
So far, this round of chemo has started off similarly to the previous round I completed in March. I feel a little more tired at this stage in the chemo than I remembered from last time, not that that's a bad sign or anything. It's just a little more noticeable. I still feel healthy and strong, and that means a lot to me.
One of the (many) interesting things to me about being a cancer patient is how most days, I really don't feel like I'm sick and most of the time, I even forget about not having any hair. Sometimes, I'll be out and see people looking at me, and I have to remind myself ok, either they think I have cancer, or maybe they think I'm a wannabe Sinead O'Connor.
I remember reading an article about a woman my age in Missoula who had undergone cancer treatment and when she was finished up, she realized that there wasn't really a lot of support for people after treatment. I feel like after going through this for the past few months, chemo and leukemia are part of my life and all of the details are just normal day to day things. Things like shots, blood draws, IV drugs, blood products (blood and platelets), and oral medications seem natural, and I find that when I go home, it takes me a few days to adjust to what once previously was.
It's difficult for me mentally and emotionally, flipping the switch between treatment and living normal life with this round of treatment. I think that's partially because there was no switch flipping between rounds 1 and 2, since I only had 2 days at home. Being at home this last time (for nearly 3 weeks altogether), gave me the opportunity to spend time with Toby and Remi and do things that I enjoy and wished I had more time to do before I found out I was sick.
I guess where I'm going with all of this is that I've always been a person that constantly evaluates who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. No one ever pictures their life with cancer, but from the moment of the diagnosis (and probably even from when I first started feeling sick), leukemia will always be a part of me. Trying to figure out where that falls in with everything else still just feels weird. It's kind of like I've been away fighting a battle for a while, and soon it'll be time to soak in what the rest of my life has to offer. I'm prepared, but still a little apprehensive of the unknown.
Here's to day 5 coming up and the days ahead that lead to home.
One of the (many) interesting things to me about being a cancer patient is how most days, I really don't feel like I'm sick and most of the time, I even forget about not having any hair. Sometimes, I'll be out and see people looking at me, and I have to remind myself ok, either they think I have cancer, or maybe they think I'm a wannabe Sinead O'Connor.
I remember reading an article about a woman my age in Missoula who had undergone cancer treatment and when she was finished up, she realized that there wasn't really a lot of support for people after treatment. I feel like after going through this for the past few months, chemo and leukemia are part of my life and all of the details are just normal day to day things. Things like shots, blood draws, IV drugs, blood products (blood and platelets), and oral medications seem natural, and I find that when I go home, it takes me a few days to adjust to what once previously was.
It's difficult for me mentally and emotionally, flipping the switch between treatment and living normal life with this round of treatment. I think that's partially because there was no switch flipping between rounds 1 and 2, since I only had 2 days at home. Being at home this last time (for nearly 3 weeks altogether), gave me the opportunity to spend time with Toby and Remi and do things that I enjoy and wished I had more time to do before I found out I was sick.
I guess where I'm going with all of this is that I've always been a person that constantly evaluates who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. No one ever pictures their life with cancer, but from the moment of the diagnosis (and probably even from when I first started feeling sick), leukemia will always be a part of me. Trying to figure out where that falls in with everything else still just feels weird. It's kind of like I've been away fighting a battle for a while, and soon it'll be time to soak in what the rest of my life has to offer. I'm prepared, but still a little apprehensive of the unknown.
Here's to day 5 coming up and the days ahead that lead to home.
Remi lounging with (aka smashing) her pal Jasper
Erin,
ReplyDeleteAs I watch and admire the strength of your journey from afar I think of a quote from the movie Troy....
"The gods envy us. They envy us because we are mortal, because any moment may be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we are doomed. You will never be lovlier than you are now. We will never be here again." As most live their lives they take things for granted, as the complacency of the expectation of no worries makes them forget how precious and blessed we are to have this beautiful gift of life granted by God. Again, thank you for taking me on your journey and reminding me of how cavalier it is to take a healthy life for granted. I send you, Troy, and Remi all my love and I thank you. Stay strong woman!!!