Remission Update

The past 3 months flew by pretty quickly, and earlier this week, we travelled to Seattle for my 5th (and last) bone marrow biopsy of this year. While not without pain, it was a relatively smooth procedure once again, and I was lucky enough to find out that I am still in remission. I had held out hope that the results would match up to how I had felt in the past few months, but anything is possible, so hearing the actual word was relieving. 

I get to keep on keeping on until March, when we'll go back for another bone marrow. After spending the past few months getting some extra rest and allowing myself to process some of the things I had pushed through over the past few months, I finally feel like I'm ready to move on a little bit with my new normal. 

I'm especially looking forward to what I'll consider my first winter in Montana. This time last year, I was unknowingly starting to feel the effects of leukemia, making most of December and early January nearly unbearable. However, this winter will be a different story, with much to celebrate and winter sports fun to be had. 

Until then...Happy Thanksgiving from the Krutzpack to your pack. 

Ode to the Bot

The past 3 months since my last biopsy have flown by with trips to Texas, Indiana, and family visiting us, as well. As of today, all that lies ahead that is planned for the rest of this year is one more trip to Seattle for what should be the last bone marrow biopsy of 2016. As I sit here today, having sort of a mental health-type day, it's difficult not to reflect on the past year, and how difficult it has been for so many people I know. Yet, through the rough times, I am thankful to have had this experience because I feel that it has allowed me to become more present in my everyday life and listen in ways that I otherwise would not have been capable of previously doing. 

I wanted to write this post a couple of days ago, but I was overwhelmed with planning Remi's 2nd birthday party. When we're kids, a birthday is a celebration of another revolution around the sun- one year older, one more year closer to freedom, another year closer to being "big". 

As a mother, I believe that birthdays take on another meaning. Of course, it's your baby's birthday, but it is also the birth of you as a wholly new person. Your life is forever changed and you have the power to help shape this tiny person who, quite possibly, might have a greater impact on the world than any of us presently realize. One of many things that I find interesting about motherhood is the fact that as a child, we see parents and adults as always being the ones who are teaching us. However, at least from my perspective, it's the tiny ones who teach us the most. 

In the first two years, time in the present seems to stand still a fair amount of the time. Yet, as the months pass by, all of the new things they're capable of doing and now saying is mind blowing, and we begin to wish that time would slow down. 

Our Rembot no longer looks like a baby and is most definitely a little girl now who loves "herses and corns", dancing, climbing (and saying "watch, dis!" while doing so), playing outside, fishing with Daddy, her bros Pierre and Bapper, and kitties. She loves animals- asking nearly every night to look at pictures and videos of deer, puppies, kitties, and moose. While every child has their "moments" (and let's face it, as adults, we have moments too), she is one of the sweetest and funniest girls I've ever known. I can only hope that she carries these traits with her throughout her life as she grows older. One of the greatest parts about being her mom, is seeing how new and exciting all of her experiences are through her eyes. Things that we take for granted as adults are once again put into new perspective and it's so good to see that again. 

When I first found out I was pregnant, I really felt like the baby I was carrying was a girl, but I kept telling myself that it would be a boy, mostly for the reason that I felt (and still feel) that the life of a boy/man is much easier than that of girls and women. However, as time went on, I felt a sense of empowerment and opportunity to help raise a little girl into a strong, badass, sweet, loyal, sassy, authentic, intelligent, etc. woman, and I can only hope that as the years go on, I have the opportunity to be there for Remi in as many ways as she needs and/or wants me to be. 

So, in ending this sappy piece...
Remi, if blogs still exist when you're old enough to read this one, especially in times where we might not like each other so much, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for helping to make me who I am currently and who I am still becoming. Thank you for showing me your world and allowing me to be part of it, for letting me know always where we stand- toddler honesty is impressive, to say the least. Thank you for the snuggles and love. Thank you for your sweet dance moves that can turn any bad day into a good one. And your belly laughs...the best sound in the world. Thank you for being you and the adventure that is to come. Thank you for letting me be your mom. Happy Big 2!

Labor Day Weekend - Another Exercise in Patience

I'd say that in general, I'm a very patient person, and dealing with testing and waiting for results and going through chemo has only made me realize that I can even be more patient than I ever thought was possible. Enter Purple Haze, stage left.

I'll start by saying that I've wanted a Westy for several years now. I flew to Seattle right after finishing my last chemo round with an intention to purchase a different van that didn't quite work out, but Purple Haze, or as she was known at the time as "Pokey" (by her previous owners due to her startling speed) was there waiting for me to test drive and bring her to her new home in Lolo with the Krutzpack. 

Purple Haze made the trip from Seattle to Lolo without any issue, although we new that she needed new brakes and that the transmission needed resealed. We took her to the mechanic the following week after enjoying a few evening joyrides. She sat at the mechanic's shop for the next month as a "sub-mechanic" took apart the transmission. Sealing the transmission turned into "well, your clutches show signs of wear" which turned into "we also need to replace the torque converter" which turned into, "here's your rebuilt transmission". 

After much anticipation (i.e. entire last month of summer gone with no van camping taking place), Purple Haze was finally ready for pickup this past Wednesday. The brakes made a huge difference, and for the most part, she seemed to run fine, although it seemed like she was a little slow to kick it into gear. We got ready for the long weekend ahead, packing the van up with little odds and ends to go on her maiden voyage to the Grand Tetons where we would bike and fish for 3 days. 

All packed and ready to go, we headed out on Friday around 10 am with intentions of setting up camp and enjoying the evening for the first time in nearly 3 years, as we generally get to camp at dark and it's pretty much time for a 1 hour fire and go to sleep, only to pack up again early the next morning and be on our way. 

Purple Haze made it to Darby, MT, about 60 miles south of home, when chit went down. 

Toby noticed coolant leaking as we stopped for coffee. We pulled over to check things out, but the coolant light hadn't come on and it looked like maybe it was overfilled, so we decided to keep going. Less than 5 miles down the road, P.H. flashed her ruby red coolant light at me, and we pulled over once again and called the mechanic to see if there was really an issue or if there might be a slight chance we could keep on keeping on. He suggested that we turn around and head back home. If that wasn't enough of a bummer, I put the van into reverse and it didn't want to go anywhere. When I put it in drive, Purple Haze stood still. I put her in park and went back to reverse and then drive and finally, we got back on the road. The transmission clearly had a problem. 

The transmission got progressively worse rather quickly and around 2:00, we rolled back into the mechanic's shop. Rather than cancel our trip, we loaded everything into Toby's truck and brought our tent and sleeping bags along. 

While the rest of Friday was a huge downer, and we didn't make it to our campsite at Falls Creek, along the Snake River in Swan Valley, ID until 9 pm that night, the weekend turned out pretty well. On Saturday, we drove to Jackson, WY, and set up camp at the Gros Ventre campground about 10 miles outside the park. We rode the bike trail from Moose to Jenny Lake and back (about 15 miles) and it was beautiful. One of our trip highlights was the giant bull moose that walked right behind our campsite on Saturday night that Remi is still talking about..."Da moose! Come moose!" On Sunday, we fished the Snake River and Toby and I each caught a nice fish. Colder weather set in that afternoon, but we were able to fish the Gros Ventre River in the evening and head to our campsite at a decent time. Today's drive back home was scenic with also some evidence of snow from the night before, a sign that it's time for flannel, boots, and campfires, which makes me happy. 

Hopefully tomorrow, we'll have an update on Purple Haze- something I am and am not looking forward to. One thing is for sure, she better shape up or she's getting shipped out. Ain't nobody got time for that, P.H.! 

Here are some Labor Day Weekend Glamour Shots:

Unloading Purple Haze and Packing up the Truck

Remi's fed up with you too, P.H.

View of the Grand Tetons on our Bike Ride

Vacationing Rembot with the Tetons

Krutzpack Selfie on the Bike Trail

Trying to catch a "Monkey" (a.k.a. Chipmunk)

Cheeeeese! One of my Favorites...

Remi practicing her cast along the Snake River

Almost ready for an Echo Gecko

Fishing on the Snake

View of the Grand Tetons from the National Elk Refuge