The next week is somewhat of a waiting game. From what the nurses tell me, the induction round of chemo that I went through in Missoula is generally the most difficult for people. If that's the case, I'm hoping that next week is smooth sailing with maybe just some mild flu-like symptoms, if that's what's going to happen. I have plenty of antibiotics, anti-fungals, anti-nausea, etc. meds to take, and otherwise, it's just go in for blood draws and transfusions, as necessary. Toby and Remi arrive Thursday night- let the countdown begin!
With the induction round, it took about 3 days after the chemo was finished for me to start feeling bad. I experienced a fair amount of pain due to a bacterial infection that caused colitis, but once the antibiotics were switched, things greatly improved. I'm hoping that doesn't happen this time, but we'll see. If it starts, at least I should be able to recognize the signs before it gets too bad.
Chemo completely wipes out all the good and (hopefully) all the bad cells in my blood stream, so the following week is much the same but also includes waiting for my counts to start coming back up to reflect those of a normal, healthy person. When that happens, I'm hoping to go back to Lolo for a week or two, get in some QT with my pack, and attend the Robert Earl Keen and Lyle Lovett show at the Wilma.
A few of my friends and family out there know that I follow the Birth Without Fear Blog or they follow it themselves. A lot of the posts on the site are very inspirational and provide a great resource to learn to trust our bodies and love and accept them the way they are. I especially enjoy reading the section headlined "I am strong because." I feel like sometimes we need the opportunity to realize what our bodies and souls are capable of achieving and reading about what women have overcome in their daily lives is pretty amazing.
In the spirit of the week ahead and the challenges to come, I thought I'd do my own "I am strong because," and I encourage you to create one as well. 2016 hasn't been off to a great start for so many people that I know. We're all going through something. Let's give each other grace and remind each other of how strong we really are and can become.
(Throwback to before the Krutzpack got its official start)
I am strong because at age 30, I was diagnosed with a disease that affects approximately 19,000 people in this country each year, mostly men, over the age of 65.
I am strong because although I have AML, I am an otherwise healthy person which hopefully gives me the best chance at responding to the medications and the best chance at long term survival.
I am strong because each time I've gone through a bone marrow biopsy, I've realized I needed the pain medications and the support of my husband to get me through it, and I've asked for and accepted that help. This is usually hard for me to do because I don't like pain meds, and I don't like to appear weak even when I am.
I am strong because the day of my diagnosis, I also had a PICC line installed and began chemotherapy despite learning of the side of effects of the medications that could save my life. Not only can they cause the visual signs of hair loss, fatigue, weight loss, rashes, etc. but chemotherapy can take years off my life later and cause infertility, among other not so cool side effects.
I am strong because I was able to breastfeed my babe for 14 months and 2 weeks until about 15 minutes before the chemo started, despite the anxiety of her being born 6 weeks prematurely, 19 days in the NICU, undergoing surgery to remove my gallbladder, selling our house and moving to Montana, starting new jobs and having new routines, among other things. Remi makes me stronger with how adaptable she has been and how well she has been able to handle these major changes.
I am strong because I'm getting the best treatment possible with some of the best doctors in the country for AML in Seattle. Being away from my family is the hardest part of this whole thing for me, but I know it's the best thing to do so we can really enjoy the cool stuff down the road, like catching big fish, skipping rocks, getting mani/pedis, going to Sesame Street Live and Disney on Ice, baking cookies, seeing the most beautiful places, and learning all that life can teach us.
I am strong because having leukemia has given me the opportunity to educate others and provide information that so many of us have never heard about or would have otherwise not learned about. I also hope that sharing some of the emotional side of cancer allows more people to understand what so many of their friends, family, and acquaintances have been through or are currently experiencing that so many of us, I believe, internalize because it makes us feel vulnerable and weak.
I am strong because I have Toby, Remi, Pierre, and Jasper and many other people (and 4 legged friends) in my life the remind me everyday of what I'm fighting to hold on to. For this, I am so very grateful.
(Cheers to day 5 of 5!)
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