5 Year Plans

There are several times in life where we set goals or at least like to have an idea of where our lives our going. Sometimes, we picture ourselves at a certain age having material things like a car or a home, or doing certain things, like getting married and having a family, or maybe even taking a break from so called "real life" and traveling the world. 

I have always been a planner. While I may not have achieved goals or done things in the timeline I once imagined, I usually have a plan for getting there eventually. Plus, I love to have things to look forward to, and planning helps me get to where I want to be and appreciate the milestones in between. 

Having AML puts me in a weird spot for "predicting my future" and doing all of the things I thought I'd ever do. I feel like we all like to have a sense of control in our lives, and while I believe that we each play a large role in accomplishing goals, tasks, etc., we ultimately are not in control of our lives. Don't get me wrong, I do believe in the power of will and attitude to get us where we want to be, but I think there is always going to be an element that we cannot control- let go and let God, I suppose, is a better way to look at it. 

One good thing (of surprisingly many) that has come out of this cancer is that it's forced me to appreciate the moment and the somewhat "mundane" or routine things in life. Life isn't always about looking forward to the weekend or the next big event or trip. We have all the other days in between and whether it's that you get to see the sun when it's been really cloudy out, or you get to make dinner for your family, or clean up a mess from where you and your kids or dogs have had a fun time, it's all worth soaking in and appreciating. I currently feel healthy and strong, but each day really is a gift to me, especially with having this disease. The sad part to me, is that each day has always been  gift that I haven't always appreciated. 

For once in my life, I feel like my goals are fairly simplified, although they mean more to me now than they have in the past. Taking one day at a time, this is my five year plan:

1. Love, live, and learn in the moment as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend.
2. Survive leukemia and help to create greater awareness of and greater involvement with this form of cancer.
3. Be a mom. Teach Remi everything I can through our experiences together and more. 
4. Find my purpose and act on it when it comes. 

There are quite a few other things I could add to the list, but I'll keep those personal for now. I guess the main idea is just to live, soak in everything I can, and give back as I can, as well.

Toby and Remi fly into Seattle tonight, and I am very excited to see and hug them, and get in all the love. We don't have any set plans yet, but if today is any indicator of what the weekend will be (sun and 60 degrees in February?!), it should be pretty nice! 

(Remi Krutz: fashionista and wild woman)